Expectations

I've been thinking about expectations. Parenthood so far has been very little like what I expected it to be. There are certainly things that I did expect such as feeling inadequate, questioning my decisions and feeling so overwhelmed by love for my baby. Then there are the things I expected that have not happened and the ones I did not expect that have come along.

I never fully understood how utterly helpless I would feel when my sweet girl had something wrong with her that I could not fix. I didn't expect to feel like I don't have enough time to clean my house or do a workout because I don't know how long this nap is going to last.

I expected that since I had taken care of myself during pregnancy that my body would bounce back. I didn't let myself go after all and I walked up until 39 or 40 weeks. I knew I would have to work at it, but I never expected that nothing I did would work. I know what you're thinking, well it takes 9 months to put it on so it should take that long to take it off. But I have been working at it and have not budged in at least a month, possibly 2! Ugh. BUT........

I have an amazing little girl who I sacrificed my body for. I would never take her back in order to have a smaller butt or thinner hips. She is much more worth it than my vanity.
{MAY I REALLY COME TO BELIEVE THIS!}

So what I will say about expectations is, while I have always had somewhat differing experiences from my expectations, being a Mother carries by far the most differences of expectations vs. realities. In the beginning of this journey I experienced such a shock entering the world of Motherhood that I could not fathom what any other stage would be like. And now, I am able to take my new reality and imagine other stages and my new expectations, which I hope are much more realistic are lovely. The future with my girl and possibly other child(ren) {God-willing} is so exciting and I am thrilled that my expectations of what being a Mother is like have been challenged.

Battle of the Booty

We have been battling diaper rash for over a week now and by battle, I mean this thing is of epic proportions. Our little love had a #2 diaper and BOOM! had a horrible rash. It proceeded to get worse, as did her diaper presents over the past week while her Daddy, grandparents and 2 pediatricians and I have all tried to get this resolved.

She hasn't had a fever, no runny nose, no real "sick" symptoms except for her poops. So our pediatrician has taken her completely off lactose, she is eating rice cereal and bananas to try to clear it up. As for the rash, she gave us some cream they use to treat burns (yes, it is that bad and no, we have not been letting her sit in her dirty diapers). We've been going this avenue for the week and it is very slow to resolve.

Enter the lesson I'm learning.....(I feel like I'll always be learning this lesson)

It is not my fault! I have changed her as soon as she goes potty, I have put ointments and creams and barriers on her to keep it from worsening. I have let her be naked often to try to air everything out and I did not cause this. (I'm mostly writing this to remind myself, I am not trying to justify anything to any one else)

There are certain things in this life that are completely and utterly out of our control. It is the same with our babies and families. Yet, why do we beat ourselves up and let our minds be filled with guilt that these things are within our control? I'm asking myself that all the time and I'm sure with my baby it is because I care so much for her and want everything to be okay. I need to learn to rest with the knowledge that I do provide well for my baby, she is loved and greatly cared for. If anyone knows how to beat the guilt, let me know!!

Raising the Future Generation

Right here, right now I am making a vow for my child (and if God blesses us with another/others). I want my girl(s) to know how to appreciate herself and the beauty she has been given. I want her to have positive body image influences and I want her to have a healthy view of herself and the way she treats her body. I want to give her the tools to eat healthy foods and I want her to never beat herself up the way I have beat myself up in the past.

My vow is to never put my body down in front of her. And by doing this, maybe just maybe I'll make a habit of not doing it at all.

I want to be an inspiration to my daughter. I want her to find that I have inspired her to love herself and to take care of herself.

If I can do this for her, why shouldn't I be able to do it for myself? Does this mean that I just let myself go and not care about it? Absolutely not! But, I believe I can make healthy changes now (as I transition from my post-pregnant self) and know that I am doing good things for myself. I can choose healthy food options and moderate my not as healthy ones. I can work out (when I can) and know that my baby is my priority. That by putting her first right now, that I am doing the right thing. I will still have some time for myself. It just may take extra planning and it may not be every day.

And I won't beat myself up for this. I commit to doing what I can. And if I can be an encouragement to other Mommies who want these same things for their children, I want to commit to them as well.

There are a few people who have platforms to preach these things more loudly than I can. I read Reshaping it All by Candace Cameron Bure probably a year and a half ago and I should probably re-read it for a refresher. Bobbie Thomas, the style editor for the TODAY Show is putting out a book about self-esteem and fashion. And then there's Dove's campaign for real beauty. Why don't we all wholeheartedly buy into this kind of advertising and media rather than the ones found more popular by main stream media?

My poor girl will probably hate me for not letting her wear what all her teenage friends will be wearing, but I vow to protect her from her our society's objectifying of young girls and women and I will fight for that cause until the end. May I be an encouragement for real beauty!